I was having major dislike for this city.
It’s loud.
It stinks.
It’s dirty.
It's getting cold.
People get shot.
People get mugged.
The subway is gross.
People can be really mean.
It’s so expensive to live here!
Grocery shopping is too complicated.
I want my washer, dryer, and dishwasher back.
I so DISLIKE trying to find parking when there is none to be found.
I’m sick of carrying my double stroller up and down the subway stairs.
I just want to protect my kids from all of the things that are being thrown at them (recognizing that this isn't unique to our situation).
And I HATE that the public schools here are bad, so I have to do a boatload of work to figure out what Eli is going to do for kindergarten and I have to start NOW when he’s only 3 (don’t get me started. I might explode)!
THIS IS TOO HARD!
Going to Boston/Cambridge was a good break. I think it’s obvious we had a great time. I didn't want to come home.
I started to get really anxious on the drive home. And then the birthday messages started rolling in, which made me so happy; but also got me all homesicky. My stomach was in a homesick/NYC-dislike (hate) knot. I had a good therapy session with Forrest in the car: he reminded me of why we were here and that it’s the right thing and how much I've loved the good times; and he validated that it is really hard to live here, especially with two kids. I cried. I tried to remember all the good things, but when we pulled up to our apartment building (after searching for parking for 30 minutes!), I was feeling all mopy ON MY BIRTHDAY. Ugh.
We started heading up the elevator to our apartment and I really started to get sick. I didn’t want to spend another week here! WHY ARE WE DOING THIS? WHY CAN’T ONE THING BE EASY? WHY AM I LIVING HERE?
THIS IS TOO HARD!
Then I saw this at our door:
It was just what I needed to remember why I love it here.
The floodgates opened:
I love the friends I’ve made here. I love that I’m never bored. I love that I’ve had more gospel discussions here in 3 months than I’ve had in the last 3 years. I love our apartment. I love our view. I love that I can get a workout, go grocery shopping, and have an outing for the kids with one trip. I love the diversity of the city. I love subway performers. I love artistic graffiti. I love how much Eli loves the train. I love how much Audrie loves the boats. I love our ward. I love how many investigators are coming to our church every Sunday. I love the architecture. I love that I’m lucky enough to live in the greatest city in the world (my humble opinion). I love feeling like I fit in. I love getting encourage emails and comments for all of you about this adventure. I love that Eli and Audrie will have NYC memories of growing up here, and that they get exposed to so many cool (and sometimes crazy) things. I love all of our visitors. I love that Forrest is so happy. I love that we followed our dream and we’re living it up. I love that when I do something hard I gain confidence in myself and faith in the Lord. This is the right thing and we’re in the right place.
I CAN DO HARD THINGS!!! I CAN DO HARD THINGS!!!
I really can, especially if I have a plentiful supply of baked goods from great friends.
And you thought you were just giving me a birthday surprise. Angie, you ROCK! Thank you so much!
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10 comments:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Abbie, you have only been there a few months and you are rocking this adventure SO HARD. I'm way impressed. There will be hard times and good times, but man, you're going to look back on this as the ride of your life!! I'm so excited for you, and I cannot WAIT to visit!
I thought TODAY was your birthday! I always think it's the 3rd-HAPPY BIRTHDAY beautiful girl :-)
I know how you feel, even though our situations are totally different but I know how it is to feel so discouraged and like you just can't keep going but WE CAN!!! I just have to keep telling myself that. Thanks for all your encouraging comments Miss Abbie.
My sister in law and another friend did the Super idea for their kids too and I'm totally copying you guys some year because it is just too darn cute. I loved all your pictures from Boston and of your kids-Kaci is a great photographer. If you ever need to get away come visit Ann Arbor, but warning: it is still super cold here! :-)
Happy (late) birthday!! Reading your blog is therapy for me. Thank you. :) I love you! AND your pics are all so darn cute. Cany ou just come down here and do my blog? Then we can commisorate (sp?) together.
Awwww!! ANGIE ROCKS!!! I don't even know Angie, but hearing how awesome she is makes me want to move to NYC and join in on all your fun!! (Did I tell you that Tim's been in touch with a couple video game companies in the Big Apple? I would pee my pants with joy if we ended up moving out there.)
I know your situation is unique, but I can understand the ups and downs of life in the city. I have to admit, you are REALLY good at seeing the positive. MUCH better than I could ever be (but I'm kind of a sarcastic person, haha!). Of course it's totally normal and okay to have bad days or sad feelings sometimes, but on the whole, it seems like all the things you love outweigh the things you might dislike. And remember - it's only temporary. Someday you guys will probably move away, but you'll always hold NYC in a very special place in your heart, and you might always be NYC people at heart, too. That will be awesome.
Don't worry about Eli's schooling!! Doing research is a good thing, but there are lots of options for you, and I know it will work out and be okay (just like everything else has!). :-) You can do hard things!!!
What an incredible experience Abbie!!! Angie is AWESOME!!!! What a fantastic way to remember everything you love about NYC. Those baked goodies look delish!
I totally agree with everyone else! You've really shown your willingness to make the very most of this experience!!! And have definitely been an amazing example to me!
Hey Abbie
Happy late b-day and again, your posts make me miss that great city more and more. You may find us as your neighbors one day:) That city is a beast, but it is the best city in the world. It's fun watching you go through that transition/realization. Hang in there! You guys rock!
Awww, that's so great. Heavenly Father truly works through other people. YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS!! We love ya :)
I can't even begin to tell you how wonderful you are and how much you've inspired me to do hard things too. I know we never really did tons of stuff together or got to know each other very well when we lived in Wymount, but MAN! you rock, Abbie! And I just think you're so freakin' pretty!
Aren't you glad for husbands who just make things all better? And for people like Angie? Yep, she certainly does rock. I was lucky enough to have her as a VT for several months. So, live it up with her and your super cute family!
And Happy Birthday again!
Awww Abbie I love you! But come on, anything less than decorating your door and leaving you cupcakes would've been completely unacceptable. You deserve to be celebrated! Thanks for being one of the best things about New York! We will hang out soon. (Combined Birthday Party!!!!)
i loved this post! you are having such amazing and unique experiences. You're very brave and you'll be blessed--you already are being blessed!
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