little family in the big city

3.05.2012

2.21.2012

i miss him

It's 3am and our last conversation is rolling through my head.

"Abbie, you've got Anderson blood running through those veins, it makes you strong. You can get through anything."

That's what I'm going to tell myself when I miss him so much all I can do is fall in my puddle of tears.

Daddio,

I love you so much.

Love,

Skeeter

//please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers while we grieve our loss & remember his life. thank you.

2.10.2012

guys. seriously. why haven't you made the switch? just think of the fun you're missing! one day you'll come here and it will be a ghost town of privacy and you'll be like, "wait, where did she tell me to go? what was that ridiculous blog name she was always begging me to check out?" see? that will be sad. it's just smart to do it now.

links to prove you'll love it:

honesty about how homeschool is basically motherhood on crack (crack = extreme, intense, times a million).

soleil [pronounce so-lay] and the ridiculous things that come out of her mouth.

新年快- Chinese New Year at the Met.

i love my husband...but i'm keeping it in my journal and showing you a cute picture of us instead.

objectless list of things i've been thinking about including mean things i heard on the subway and vulnerability.

1.30.2012

what you're missing...

hi.

is it so annoying that i keep posting on this blog only tell you how much fun we're having on abbietastic?

come have fun with us!

codeine + portlandia = the best medicine

italian ice & science nyc adventures

snow angel

snow is fun for one day

whining with a healthy dose of instagram

february is going to be happy

1.13.2012

this week on abbietastic...

pity party plans ruined by frogs, butterflies and a space show at the amnh.

pretending to be a cowgirl with professional bull riders + a video about riding stick ponies because the horses got herpes.

and how i stuffed my feelings with the most amazingly deliciously creamy cream puffs in the whole world.

so...

go over and hang out with me on abbieastic, friends!

thanks.

1.06.2012

new new news!

Firstly, THANK YOU you for all the love. The love factory you've built for me with your kind words has been a perfect place to sit while I go from being OK to being sad to knowing exactly why I miscarried to weeping because I won't get snuggle a new babe this summer. Thank you! I love you!

Now for the New New News!

It's a new year (praise the heavens that 2011 is over!) and I want to do something new. I want a new project that's pretty much the same project just a bit newer.

You see, Mr. FDubs and I have been talking for a long time about what to do with this blog. And we've talked and talked and decided it's time to change things a bit, but only a bit. That brings us to the news...

I have a new blog! YAYAY!!

I give you abbietastic.blogspot.com.

I'm so excited!

What is Abbietastic going to be? Well, it's going to be the exact same thing as Little Family in the Big City...except newer. Think of it as Book Two of our life on the internet. LFBC, originally forrestandabbie, has been around for almost 6 whole years! Can you believe we've been blogging that long? So Abbietastic is the next phase, Book Two. Same family, same city, same Abbie.

What will happen to Little Family in the Big City? It's gonna hang around for a good long time until ALL OF YOU, MY FUNTASTIC FRIENDS, come over to Abbietastic and subscribe and follow and add to your blog rolls and what have you. Then, in about 6ish months, Little Family in the Big City will go private. (I've basically had to get therapy for this. What about all those posts? And the archives? And all my hard work? It will all just sit in a private blog?!?! So dramatic!) So that's what will happen. You have six whole months to hop on over to Abbietastic and find out what the Book Two has in store! Yay!

So GO GO GO and subscribe and follow and tell me you like me with your internet high fives! I'm begging you! :)

are you laughing at how many times I linked to abbietastic? i am. but, you guys!, i'll cry if you don't come over and hang out with me! (what were we saying about being dramatic?)

k. see you over there.

1.02.2012

feeling peace

i wrote this up a couple of days ago. i wasn't sure if i was going to post it, but i feel like i need to. maybe for my own therapeutic benefit or maybe because someone else will read it and it will help them. i've certainly found comfort when other women have shared their miscarriage stories.

since writing it, i've felt really happy. happier than i've felt in months. it's been kind of amazing.

thanks for all the love. your prayers, emails, calls, texts have meant a lot. and thanks to a husband and two kids who make my world the greatest world ever!

here's the post...

Hi. So...let's talk.

I was pregnant. I was nauseated, tired, hormonal, and all things that would indicate a healthy pregnancy. But I had a feeling that something was off. There was a dark cloud chasing me, the same dark cloud I felt with my first pregnancy. This time around the symptoms confused me. I wouldn't be sick if I were going to miscarry, right? But then bad signs appeared showing me my off feeling was right.

I had a miscarriage over a few days before and during Christmas. Physical and emotion pain during a time when I should be feeling joy. Not my best Christmas.

I keep comparing this miscarriage to my first miscarriage. The first time I was devastated and had so many impatient questions. Would I ever be able to have kids? What was wrong with me? How long would it be until I could have a baby? The sadness consumed me...until I got pregnant with Eli and knew I'd have a baby in my arms soon.

This time I have perspective. I have two beautiful children that I can hold and kiss and snuggle. I'm sad, but the sadness is being lifted while they comfort me with their sweet silliness.

Last night I was congratulating myself on how well I'm recovering, how wise I am that I've given myself time to grieve and feel depressed and heal. Then I realized that, although I do feel stronger this time around, the peace I'm feeling is from all the prayers that have gone up for me. Thanks to my amazing family and friends.

This experience is going to strengthen me, I am confident of that. I can already see how it's shaping me into a more grateful mother.

Earlier this week I read this quote from No Doubt About It:

"It is in moments of disappointment, heartache, and loneliness that we often make the decisions that forge our faith, mold our character, fortify our convictions about the only source of strength and solace that satisfies. And that is Jesus Christ.... How do we know if we can bear up under challenge and trial, unless we have challenge and trial? And how can we expect to feel and taste the pure sweetness of the gospel of Jesus Christ, specifically the power and peace of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, unless there are times in our lives when we desperately need and seek that peace and power?"

This year, as I've said at least a million times (!), has been challenging. When I first found out I was pregnant, I thought this was going to be my sweet gift for enduring a hard year. When I miscarried, I felt anger with my sadness. How could this year get any worse? Why did this have to happen now? All those weeks of being sick and tired and I don't even get a baby for it!?! But, after lots of praying and crying, pure sweetness and peace came over me and helped me know that this was one of those times when I get to prove to myself where I will turn for peace.

That doesn't mean I won't be sad anymore. It will pinch when I think about this loss or see someone with a new baby. And I know my due date will hurt.

But that God given peace is powerful and will heal the pain.

12.28.2011

remembering christmas 2011

When I look back on Christmas 2011 I'll remember it as a really sad Christmas (more on why later...), but I hope E&A will remember it as happy and magical. Santa and our families were so generous this year and we did a lot of fun things. The Radio City Christmas Spectacular was oh so spectacular, A.Soleil and I could have stared at the "spawkly" Bergdorf Goodman windows all night, and our Santaland Santa was very sweet and patient. Our fondue feast and nativity on Christmas Eve with our friendily (<--friends that are really family), plus the crepes on Christmas morning made us feel all warm and homey inside. That's what tradition does, it grounds you and makes you feel love. Having an hour of church on Christmas day was a blessing. My sadness was lifted for a moment when my friend spoke about memories. It made me realize the memories and traditions I'm creating for my children are incredibly important.
I hope E&A remember all that we did to make their Christmas good. The joy still bursting from their little faces makes me think we succeeded. This Christmas would have been the worst without those little faces. I love them a lot.

I hope you'll have good memories from Christmas 2011.

12.20.2011

8 years!

At the end of our most intense year of marriage, we've never been closer. We know and love each other more than ever. It's an amazing feeling to know that we can lean on each other when things are hard.
That is true love.

Forrest, I true love you and know you true love me back!

12.12.2011

train show at the new york botanical garden

(such charming children)

we went to the train show on friday. it was magical. the kids loved the trains and i was dying over the plant buildings - they are masterpieces. lindsay joined us for the adventure, and it was an excellent adventure indeed. oh, the bronx, we heart you.

in other holiday news, our christmastime is going on quite nicely.
e&a just finished watching how the grinch stole christmas and now they're watching charlie brown. earlier we wrote letters to santa and fixed all the decorations a.soleil has been playing with while listening to a very she and him christmas. our christmas music collection is bulking up to something well rounded. i need to figure out what i'm baking for friends & doormen/women (what should i make?). other than that, the gifts are in the works or they're complete. i'm hoping to get to the post office on friday to ship things to family. we saw santa at our church christmas party. macy's santaland + 5th ave windows + the rockefeller tree is happening next wednesday. and, with the help of library books, we're going to do a little hanukkah celebration with our miniature menorah + candles and dreidels. plus, we also have tickets to the radio city christmas spectacular. i'm soooo excited! so!

we're feeling it! i hope you are too, friends. i hope december is bringing to you all sorts of magical things just the way you like them.

haphaphappy holidaaaaysss!!

12.06.2011

nudge

December, y'all, December. It. Is. Nuts.
And, holy wow, you should see the holiday productivity that I've been cooking up around these parts. Your jaw would be on the floor because I am a Christmas machine on top of my game from the 1st until the 24th. I'm taking any Christmas that has ever been seen by anyone and making it 6 thousand times better.
Booooooyah!!!

False. None of that is true.

But I tell you what is true.

No matter how many times I set fire to the curtains, I can not ruin Christmas.

And that's a good feeling.

Oh, I like those nudges that remind me what Christmas is all about.

(pssst. hey. so. i just wanted to tell you that blogging isn't really a priority right now with all the funtastic christmastime excitement. so it's gonna be quiet-ish around here this holiday season. but hey! you don't care because who has time to blog or even read blogs in december?!?
thanks. love you. merry christmastime. see you soon. k. bye.)

11.29.2011

how we christmas

I'm trying to get excited about decorating for Christmas, but I'm just not. Normally I'm hopping up and down on Thanksgiving night ready to get started. Not really feeling it though. Weird, huh? So I thought it'd be fun to do a little reminiscing of favorite past Christmas post to get more excited about decking our small halls. And I'll even add it to the sidebar to replace the how we fall just for funsies.